When someone tells you they have been abused, your first response matters.
You may feel shocked, angry or unsure what to do. But the first 24 hours are not about solving everything. They are about helping the survivor feel believed, safe and in control.
1. Stay Calm and Listen
Do not panic, interrogate them or make them manage your emotions. Allow them to share only what they feel ready to say.
Try:
- “I’m listening.”
- “Take your time.”
- “Thank you for trusting me.”
2. Believe Them
Do not question why they waited, stayed or responded in a particular way. Trauma affects how people process and communicate their experiences.
Say clearly:
“I believe you.”
3. Remind Them It Was Not Their Fault
Survivors may carry shame or blame themselves for what happened.
Reassure them:
- “This was not your fault.”
- “You did not deserve this.”
- “The responsibility belongs to the person who harmed you.”
Avoid adding advice or criticism after these statements.
4. Check Their Immediate Safety
Ask:
- “Are you safe right now?”
- “Is the person nearby?”
- “Is there somewhere safer you can stay?”
- “Are any children or other people at risk?”
If there is immediate danger, help them contact appropriate emergency or safeguarding services. Do not confront the person responsible, as this could increase the risk.
5. Ask What They Need
Do not take control or assume you know what is best.
Ask:
“What would feel most helpful right now?”
They may need somewhere safe, transportation, medical care, practical help, a trusted person or simply someone to remain with them.
Offer choices not commands.
6. Encourage Professional Care Without Pressure
If the abuse was recent or the survivor has health concerns, gently encourage them to seek medical attention as soon as possible. Some healthcare options are time sensitive.
You can say:
“Some medical support works best when accessed early. Would you like help finding a suitable service?”
A survivor can still seek care and support even if time has passed.
7. Protect Their Privacy
Do not gossip, post online or share their story without permission.
However, avoid promising absolute secrecy. If a child or someone in immediate danger is involved, safeguarding responsibilities may require professional help. Explain this honestly and involve the survivor as much as possible.
8. Respect Their Decisions
Do not pressure a survivor to report, leave immediately or tell other people. Provide reliable information and support them in making informed choices.
The survivor has already experienced a loss of control. Trauma-informed support helps restore it.
Before the First Day Ends
Check in again and help identify one or two manageable next steps, such as:
- Staying somewhere safe.
- Contacting a support service.
- Seeking medical care.
- Speaking with a counsellor or advocate.
- Arranging practical help.
- Checking in again the following day.
What Not to Do
Do not:
- Blame or interrogate them.
- Demand every detail.
- Question why they waited.
- Pressure them to report.
- Confront the person responsible.
- Share their story without consent.
- Force physical comfort.
- Make the situation about your anger.
The Words That Matter Most
You do not need a perfect speech. Start with:
“I believe you. It was not your fault. What would help you feel safe right now?”
The survivor may not remember every word you say, but they may always remember whether your response made them feel believed or blamed.
Choose belief. Protect their dignity. Offer support without taking control.