I wasn’t expecting it. I went white water rafting for the adrenaline, not for a spark. Yet somewhere between the crashing waves, the laughter, and the fear, a connection quietly began. He found me later, tapped me on the shoulder with his phone in hand, and asked for my socials. It felt like fate, like the universe winking.
We met again in South Africa. We walked through the Apartheid Museum a place where history demands silence and reflection and then shared a meal. It was ordinary and extraordinary all at once. Sparks were flying, and I felt something I hadn’t in a long while: peace in someone’s presence.
And then came the truth. He has a girlfriend. He told me himself. A day later, he kissed me. It wasn’t planned, and though I liked it a little too much, my heart knew it wasn’t mine to hold.
This is the complicated space many of us stumble into when chemistry collides with reality. When your heart feels safe with someone who belongs to someone else.
What This Taught Me
- Respect is attractive. Before anything happened, he told me via text: “If you’re ever uncomfortable, let me know.” That level of awareness is rare, and it’s a big part of why I felt at peace with him.
- Feelings aren’t wrong. I’m not ashamed that I liked him. Attraction isn’t a crime; it’s what we do with it that matters.
- Boundaries are powerful. I don’t want to be the reason another woman hurts. And I don’t want to compromise my own dignity either. Choosing peace over complication is an act of self-love.
A Ritual of Release
When the ache hits, I remind myself to honour the spark but let go with grace. Here’s a ritual I’ve been doing that you might find helpful too:
- Write two lists. One titled “What he gave me” (peace, laughter, reminders of what I deserve). The other titled “What I release” (the kiss, the ache, what isn’t mine).
- Read them aloud. End with: “I am grateful for what this connection showed me, and I release what is not mine with love and peace.”
- Keep the first list. It’s a compass pointing to the love you want.
- Let go of the second. Tear it up, burn it, or throw it away.
The Takeaway
Not every spark is meant to become a fire. Some people come into our lives simply to remind us of what’s possible: respect, peace, attraction that doesn’t demand we shrink ourselves.
I don’t regret meeting him. I don’t regret the kiss. I only know that I deserve love that is whole, free, and fully mine. And until then, I will keep choosing myself.
Suitcases & Butterflies is where I unpack the messy, beautiful intersections of travel, love, and healing. Because sometimes, the journey we least expect is the one inside our own heart.